::............... inhabit corners.::

proxemics is the study of how people interact with and relate to the inanamate objects in the spaces they inhabit. relationship proxemics is anthrobabble applied to my life.
:: talk to me:my corner: book reviews(fixed, so click here!):my list collection::
[::..just me..::]
[::penguin from suse::]
[::..there are some seriously weird things online, other than me darn it, check out some of the more intersting ones..::]
:: freebozz electric - yeah zork!::
::info and petition about the armenian genocide. my brother pointed this out ::
:: the spark, take quizes, waste time, and read about some really weird experiments. very cool excpet for the gender quiz which called me a guy::
::stick figure death theatre recomended by movie steve::
:: this guy is selling imortality for free. creepy fun ::
:: gag gifts such as toxic waste candy are found here::
:: the fun stuff that never quite hits the headlines is here::
:: dress up jesus - from my charmingly odd friend jeff, who wanted me to mention he doesn't hate christians, he just has a since of humor as twisted as mine...::
::be nice to penguins, darnit::
:: urban legends, the scholarly take. recommended by my guy ::
[::..nowhere did i claim that i was normal..::]
[::...neither are most of the people i know, but normal's boring, anyway..::]
:: my guy. his friends call him a charming booger, i think you'll see why. (and yes the redhead is me)::
:: nikki,who puts her writings and rantings here,actually trusted me to come up with a cool tagline for this link. ::
:: emily, a friend from school who writes very nifty angsty poems.::
:: dru, who is still ignoring the fact that those of us without lj's can't be on his friends list, has a demented pic of himself here.::
:: greg, my old assistant manager's short lived flirtation with blogger. i've broken this link at his request.::
:: kari, my step sister, who hasn't updated this in a while now.::
:: dara, my old roomate and one of the people i'm happiest i knowwho has finally given my the link bug her to add her new poems, "none of your business" rocks!::
:: joanna, who has abandoned geocities for an LJ. bah. i still like my blog ::
:: my mom. who will have a better page for her product as soon as we figure out the details and i make it for her::
:: jason, my ex coworker who has since ran away to arizona, has his art work up here::
:: my dad, this is from his business page, but there's a decent picture of him.::
:: james, full of shit but writes pretty good music, has his band's web page here.::
:: my friend steve discets movies, and actually links back to me yeah!, here.::
:: jill, aka penelope, the sister that embarasses my old district manager. most recently seen talking about her implants in the November issue of Jane.::
[::..speak up! there's a forum for everyone, here's a few of the more interesting one's i've found..::]
:: Scarleteen Forums, enlightened, alt. lifesyle friendly sex ed.::
:: hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. almost everything under and including the sun is discussed here. douglas adams won't soon be forgotten.::
:: pro scurvy. i don't know if they're serious. it's strangely facinating, tho, somehow...::
:: The Thin (and reinvented at a new address) Page, an interesting subculture lives here. please don't flame them and eat bandwith, ok? they've heard it all already..::
:: Marigold, add 1 part sleepover and 2 parts political rally to blender with dash canadian accent. mix. enjoy...::
:: lord of the rings gaming forum. geeky? yes. fun? infinately so....::
:: Blogger Forum, fix your code...::
::.starting now.........::

:: Sunday ::

it's so cold here, i know this is how cold it usually is around here, but it seems colder than i remember. it must be the fact that i haven't been here for a whole winter in 4 or 5 years. it makes it seem colder i guess because i'm not used to it anymore. before i came out here i hadn't even put the liner in my trench coat yet, and now i have the liner in and i won't venture out without a sweater. it's cold. nevermind the skirt and boots i was going to wear for new years, now it's looking more like two pairs of jeans and a long sleve shirt. bah.
:: 12/30/2001 01:18:00 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday ::
my room in my father's house is in the basement, it's a finished basement, of course. but the deck is over my window so there's no sunlight streaming in. makes it kind of hard to get up in the morning. it doesn't matter when i first open my eyes, i get that sluggish feeling i get trying to wake up at 5 am....you can't get up now, it's not morning yet. the suns not up yet silly go back to sleep.
:: 12/29/2001 09:11:00 AM [+] ::
:: Friday ::
so i'm back "home" and it's weird. listning to my brother watch american history x in the back ground, looking for zork to download for my dad, already being pulled in a million and 5 directions. my room looks different, is it? or am i? maybe i should limit my self to thoughts less deep than the snow, but that's not much of a limit at the moment. yes, i know i'm vague today, yes, i know i'm strange. it's strage to come "home", to find myself trying to make sence of who i was here and how that diverges from who i am. trying to remember that sometimes i feel like a grownup. sometimes. oh well, it only lasts a week so i might as well enjoy it.
:: 12/28/2001 02:59:00 PM [+] ::
i'm dreaming of a white christmas...in my hometown near buffaol....where the lake is frozen.....and there's a dozen...people who i used to know.....oh....i'm dreaming.....
and then the alarm clock goes off, reminding me that i can't go home for christmas. that instead i'm working the day before and the day after, and going to a friends house christmas eve for the traditional italian 7 fish stay up till midnight dinner. i hate fish. with a passion. but i need to do something or i'll just curl up in a ball and cry. and i'm cooking a ham on christmas for my guy and his mother. and i get to go home for new years. it's all i've got, so it'll have to do. i'm not thinking about it anymore or i'll cry. goodnight.

:: 12/21/2001 09:01:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday ::
let me start by saying that she's ok. but. my mother had a smallish heart attack or some similar problem last thrusday, almost passed out in front of a room full of first graders. and no one told me until today, and only then because i happened to call my brother. my mother didn't want to worry me. she could have died over the weekend and i wouldn't of been there to say goodbye. that bothers me. for two reasons. one is that my mother is only 50, thats aufly young for heart trouble, and that doesn't bode well for my own health. the second is that no one called me. wether or not i choose to worry should be my decision, i don't like having my decisions made for me.
:: 12/17/2001 11:01:00 PM [+] ::
besides, i already know what i'm getting you for christmas, and it's going to blow your mind. he says this, out of nowhere. just becase he knows how i feel about surprises. how do i feel about surprises you ask? conflicted. i like to be surprised but i don't want to know one's comming. a surprise out of no where rocks. the sentance "i've got a surprise for you later" drives me wild with insatiable cruriosity, leaves me prone to inapropriately silly behavior, and generally puts me in a state which eventually decends into outrage at the fact that no one will tell me what the surprise is. he thinks i'm cute when i'm outraged. he does it on purpose. he probably doesn't even know what he's getting me for christmas, just that telling me he does will make me nuts.
:: 12/17/2001 12:26:00 AM [+] ::
:: Saturday ::
i'm not happy with people today. here's why. we have an angel tree kind of thing going at work. it's for a children's hospital, a children's psych hospital to be exact. when we tell people we're taking donations for sick kids we get lots of money. when we tell them we're taking donations for mentally ill kids, we get no money at all. it sucks. no wonder they guy who runs day programs for these kids was so overjoyed that we were doing this for them, no one helps them out usually. aparently the staff squirles stuff away all year just to have christmas presents for the kids. amazing. these kids didn't ask to be born with chemical imbalances, they didn't ask to be abused (a big reason many of them are in there). why are cancer patients more lovable than mental ones?
:: 12/15/2001 12:58:00 AM [+] ::
:: Thursday ::
sometimes throwing people to the sharks is the best way to make sure they can swim. well, the fastest way at least, maybe not the best. but it works.

i say what's on my mind too freely sometimes. it doesn't matter if i think that someone is to dumb to walk and breath at the same time. it's just not something i should say.

what's with the guy who runs the pizza shop down the street calling me bella? i know i'm not ugly but i really can't see that i'm something special that way.

i'm scattered today. i may try again later when i can focus. maybe i'll go write a list.

:: 12/13/2001 09:20:00 PM [+] ::
i always wanted to be the kind of person who does what needs doing. i never wanted to be the boss who fired people right before a holiday. unfortuantely those two desires cannot both be filled at the moment. my father always told me that when you have two possible choices, the right one is usually the hardest. so i'll do what needs doing. it's not one of the easier things i've done. but, it's not something i'm going to let myself loose sleep over, either. they choose to slack off, knowing full well that at this point slackers are not being tolerated. wether they will ever admit it to themselves or not, these people choose to be fired. it's just up to me to carry through.
:: 12/13/2001 12:58:00 AM [+] ::
:: Monday ::
caffeine is a good thing. really it is. it's not addictive, really, and i'm not an addict. yeah right. it's not a stylish thing to admit, if you're going to admit an addiction it should be something stylish like cocaine. sorry, but i get into enough trouble with caffeine, i'd be scared to touch anything stronger. i realized today that if i don't get my cup of coffee in the morning i get a headache. and if i don't eventually cave in and have one it doesn't go away, no matter how much tylonol or advil i take (excedrine migrane works, but surprise surprise, it has caffeine). it's probably not a good thing that my entire staff knows that i take my coffee light but with no sugar, that i take my mountain dew without ice. it's even worse that my boss knows it too. or that when i'm having a bad day at work someone miraculously decides to go get a drink and asks if i want anything. unfortuantely at the moment i can't deal with the headaches that would accompany not drinking coffee, so doing something about it will just have to wait.
:: 12/10/2001 10:00:00 PM [+] ::
and the word of the day today, boys and girls, is context things need to be taken in their propper context. things, taken out of their context, make less sence, can be twisted, are often misconstrued. when two people are speaking from inside differnt contexts they can speak right past each other, having two conversations instead of one, and never getting through. that's one of the joys of being human, i guess.
:: 12/10/2001 12:16:00 AM [+] ::
:: Friday ::
that altered bodies/extreme beauty exhibit at the met isn't as cool as it pretends to be. there's only one little thing on foot binding. one little thing on corsetry. one microscopic thing on neck legnthening, some old dresses but not many. mostly it's haught cotour stuff, and yes i know i spelled it wrong. intersting in it's own right, i know, but when you go looking for a historical perspective on the things that people have done to their bodies over the years, it's a bit of a dissapointment. way too small. if you're a fashion type i'm sure it's truely interesting, otherwise it's nice but not worth a special trip to the museaum.

it's interesting to be in spaces where you "shouldn't" be but where you do no harm. like walking into an expensive restauraunt in normal cloths, with your boyfriend unshaven and in jeans. the place has no dress code so they let you in and serve you. but the waiter looks at you funny, doesn't know what to think of you. and the ritch people at the next table over start talking a little louder, bringing up vacations to exotic locale, expensive things they've bought recently. the little old lady at the next table over may or may not be more protective of her handbag. it's really fun when you pay the bill in cash, taking more green money out of you bag than any of them have on them, because they're all paying with plastic, and putting it down on the table when the waiter hands your boyfriend the bill. it's not something i can afford to do more than once or maybe twice in a blue moon, but getting a truely transcendent meal while messing with the minds of some aging yuppie types is definately worth every penny it costs. yeah, i know i'm strange.

:: 12/07/2001 08:49:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday ::
scattered day today. ran around in circles and didn't do anything in the proper order. and had a fantastically productive day. after i got done throwing things around the back room and out the back door in a fit of anger and came up with a plan. ok...here's the problem in human nature terms. say you've got a tribe. say in this tribe there's a cheif, and slightly subordinate to him/her are a few elders, then subordinate to them there's the rest of the tribe. now say the youngest elder - are you following me here? good - decided not to listen to the chief. visibly. decided to almost always do exactly the oposite of what the chief asked. if that youngest rebellious elder is left un-punished, the tribe is apt to follow that elder instead of the chief, especially if what the chief wants is for everyone to collect food for winter and what the elder wants is for everyone to sleep late and smoke too many peace pipes. if the elder is simply punished but left in the tribe to sulk they will still be setting a bad example. after the elder is given chance after chance after chance to listen to the chief the only real option is to expell them from the tribe, to restore equlibrium. to get everyone back on track gathering food and reinforcing the huts for winter. yes i know i just used a stone age metaphore to discribe the staff of a retail store trying to gear up for the christmas holiday season. but it fits. and as much as i hate it, as much as that's not the kind of boss i wanted to be, and much as it changes me as a person to make myself be that kind of boss - i have to be. my only other option is to let things continue to slide into anarchy until my district manager has to step in and run the store herself, doing my job and her's, never sleeping or seeing her husband or walking her dog. and i happen to like my boss, so even on the days when i'd like nothing more than to walk away without looking back, it's not an option. so as much as i don't want to fire one of my longsest standing staff memebers, i will. and as much as i'd like to pretend i'll regret it, i won't. i'm not sorry i'm fixing a problem, i'm just sorry the problem exists.
:: 12/02/2001 11:12:00 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday ::
i must be inherently trust worthy. it's weird. i was never the popular type, so that's not why people talk to me. i don't generally say what people want to hear. i do tend to give good advise, not the easy to follow stuff though. no one want's to hear that they should do the painfull thing they know is right but were trying to advoid by asking someone else for input. but that's what i tell them, so why do they talk to me? anyway......to change the subject....i am beginning to think that responsibility is one of those words that no one knows anymore. no one ever has a reason for anything, just excuses. no one does anything, they just talk about why they didn't. it drives me up a fucking wall, excuse my language. grar. i can't even be objective today. i'll try again later
:: 12/01/2001 04:39:00 PM [+] ::

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